42 and just getting started

Today is my 42nd birthday.

I set my alarm last night so I could wake up early, come downstairs while the house was quiet, and write. Because I genuinely love writing. It’s a gift for me. On my birthday.

This post is for me. I write a lot of times for a lot of other people, but today I’m writing for myself. And for you. And for any woman out there who’s getting a little older and needs to hear this.

So forgive me if some of this is wordy or long or doesn’t make sense. It’s just a stream of consciousness. My thoughts as I work this morning. I’m not gonna proofread it, or overthink it, or work it to optimize SEO. It’s just my thoughts on today. This is just for me.

I think today is one of the happiest I’ve ever been. Which is widely crazy.  But I am. And I am because I’m just so flipping fired up about the year to come and what’s possible and what is in store for me.

42 and just getting started

I want to get one thing clear first. I am so abundantly grateful for my life. My marriage, my four HEALTHY HAPPY kids, my warm beautiful home, this community. My life is seeped in good. And I know that. For years I have been talking about gratitude and seeing the good.

And while that’s true….

It’s ok to be grateful for the life you have and still want more.

I’ve had this little ping inside my heart for years. I could never quite put my finger on it. Almost a little sadness, mixed with a little regret. Like I was getting older and maybe I hadn’t accomplished all that I wanted. All that I knew I could. Like I had settled for less.  But I thought it was normal. Didn’t everyone feel this to some extent? All the things we let go of, for the sake of “selflessness”, to be a better wife or mother.

And while maybe everyone does feel this to some degree, it’s not working for me. I’m not letting another year go by doing this.

Everything I’ve done in my life up until now has been for someone else. My kids, my marriage, my family. (I mean isn’t that what we’re taught at women?)

but I have someone more important to worry about, Katy 10 years from now.

Everything I’m doing from here on out is for Katy in 2031. Katy at 52.

She’s the one I need to worry about. She’s the one I need to spend the next decade working so fricking hard for.

I owe this to her.

When I meet her at 52, a decade from now, I want her to wake up in the morning, look herself in the mirror, and be so damn proud. And say you fucking crushed it. Look what you did? Look what you built? Look at the example you set for your kids? You worked so flipping hard every day and god do I love you for that. You did good, kid. I’m proud of you.

I owe it to myself to see bigger than THIS moment.  Bigger than just this year. Bigger than the kids. 

To appreciate what’s in front of me.  Be grounded in that, yes, – but to be able to SEE PAST IT.  Have a vision that’s bigger than just what’s in front of me.  

Here’s what I want this year.  No, scratch that, here’s what I’m doing at 42:

Writing a book.  And a damn good one.  Getting it in hands.  Making it actually come to life.

Growing this community.  Welcoming in so many more women and finding new ways to serve them.

Rebranding “Grace in the Crumbs” to be something more.  More me.  Less woman who I was in my 30s and more the woman that I am in my 40s.  (I mean, am I still picking up crumbs from the floor – mama got a Dyson for that now.  She’s off the floor).  Be ok to walk away from what I built, to build something bigger.  “Grace in the Crumbs” was my baby that served me well for many years, but she’s ready and I’m ready for something more.  

Finding ways to monetize this blog. And I’m not talking about small partnerships, I mean real money.  Paying for my kid’s college money.  And YES, it’s ok to talk about money.  Especially for women.  We don’t do it enough.  Let’s stop being afraid to put a dollar amount out there – men do it every day.    

It scares the shit out of me putting all of this out there.  It’s one thing having these things written down for me privately, another putting it out there for all of you to read.

I’m scared a lot this won’t happen.  But I’m also really hopeful and confident and excited that a lot of it will. 

And even if it’s just somewhere in the middle.  I think it will still feel like a win in my eyes.

I don’t really know what the point of any of this is, or why I’m sharing it with all of you.  Maybe to invite you in. To invite you along for the ride this year.  Or maybe to encourage you to do the same.

So many of you are just like me.  Women, mothers, pleasers, does.  And I think we need to hear it more and see it more that it’s ok to break out of our molds, out of our lanes, and do something that scares the crap out of us. 

Here’s to 42.  But more importantly, here’s to Katy at 52.  I’m coming for you.  Get ready.  

Now for all you ladies reading this – go chase YOU!

 

 

 

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Thank you for being so open, allowing others a peek inside what looks like a beautiful existence and to admit you want more…in a way that is so relatable to many, many women. No matter our educational, occupational, maternal or material “attainment”, that spark inside needs to be tended so we can light-up like fireworks.

    • Dianne, thank you for this. I couldn’t agree more. I think this is something every woman feels – no matter where she is in life. We are always taught to appreciate what we have, be content. And while to an extent, I wholeheartedly agree, I think it’s also important to balance that with allowing yourself to dream for more. Thank you for the sweet words. I’m so glad this resonated with you. xoxo

  • I loved this, Katy and am cheering you on! It never hit me to stop and think about what I want and where I want to be in the next decade. It’s always been short term for me. At 36, no children and not married, I’ve often placed all my attention on trying to meet those two goals. And while they are really important to me, this piece inspired me to this differently. To pull back the reigns a bit and focus on what I can create for myself in order to share with the family who is waiting for me somewhere in the future.

    • Lauren, I absolutely love this. You are one hundred percent right. It can be so easy to focus on just what’s right in front of us, or our goals for “now” (personally and professionally). But I love what you said at the end – “focus on what I can create for myself in order to share with the family who is waiting….”. That was so beautiful. Your hearts in the right place – all good things will come. xoxo

  • I am a newer follower and am officially your biggest fan. I love so many things about this, especially thinking about the needs/wants of your future self and committing to talking about money more. I said the same thing to my book club – we need to talk details (numbers!) and it will benefit all of us. I have no doubt you are going to achieve these goals, and I am so excited to cheer you along for the process.

    Also, thank you so much for your ESPRO French Press rec – I used your code to order the travel mug and LOVE it. I am super picky about coffee flavor (I have when it’s too acidic) and the brews have been perfect each time.

    • Meg, wow. Thank you for these sweet words. I LOVE it that you can relate to all of this. Especially around discussing money more! Putting goals out there, especially ones attached to a number, is something I was never comfortable with until now.

      And I am SO glad that you’re liking your ESPRO French press!! That makes me so happy. It’s such a great press – I still use mine daily.

      Thanks again for the sweet words, Meg. xoxo