I could have been a different mom. In fact, I was a different mom.
Who I am today as a mother of four children, is very different from who I was with one, two or three. Not just as a mother, but as a person entirely. I can say, without question, that I was not built to have four kids. But as it turns out, that’s exactly what I have. Four little people, who so desperately depend on me. Four little people who have totally shifted my view on motherhood.
With my first child I was so overwhelmed. I found the adjustment to motherhood hard. I was always worrying about what he needed, was it enough, would he be ok. I hovered. Not literally in so many ways, but with my over planning, over preparing, and over worrying. It consumed me.
Then my second child came and it doubled. The perfectionism. I was really good at creating the image of “perfect” kids (not so good at being a happy mother. That was harder.).